THE BOSS LADY

I was born as a third child to the family of Kolapo. My birth came in the year of multiple triumphs for my parent, hence, my maiden name, Akorede. I was showered with so much love growing up as a child, attention deficit was not known to me. My dad is the definition of a perfect gentle man who would have his face spit on and instead of retaliating would use his handkerchief to wipe it and carry on. Sometimes I wonder how a recalcitrant being like him can have so much restraint. “Certain battles are lost even before the first shot is fired”, he often said to me, “You must be wise enough to pick your fights.” Growing up with dad and two older siblings before I finally had one sibling to boss over was fun amidst the intrigues. My dad hardly uses iron fist on us, my older siblings would make me do house chores all by myself when no one is around. When I complain to dad, he would ask me to respectfully decline and stand my ground. “Darling, you should give respect but most importantly demand respect”, Dada would say to me. He thought me at a young age not to allow myself be trampled on. My brothers, with all the masculine traits accrued in their thin and lethargic bicep muscles, later succumbed to the fact that daddy’s girl has a fortified shield. I was encouraged from home to push myself to the limit and to never say never. With that mantra, my academic performance at school puts me at par with excellence; my records in sport and extracurricular activities are rich enough to rival the best resume on LinkedIn and I was miles away from twenty. My father taught me how to swim, ride a bicycle, play chess and fight karate. According to him, a female child should be equipped with the necessary knowledge and skills to become independent. I remember him use the words schmuckiness and absurdity for the first time to describe those who would not educate the female child. “Education is not the same as earning degrees”, dada repeatedly said. Most women are learned but not educated, and as a result, play second fiddle to male counterparts.

Years into my adulthood made me see myself as equal to the other gender. I revere the idea to compete with them and never to be seen as a weaker vessel or to be shoved aside. I am not a thing to be objectified and certainly not an item to be possessed. I drowned myself in articles and video clips portraying strong, independent woman the modern world idolizes. Oh good Lord did it pay off, well…, almost. I scaled through the university graduating in the top echelon of my class, followed through with a masters degree without glitch. I was doing well as a marketing strategist and analyst in a big company in my country. The money is coming in steadily, amidst generous tips here and there from clients who appreciate my diligence. Girl! I was living the dream.

This day - 21st of May` - a day after my birthday. My friends and well wishers from my workplace were in my decent two bedroom flat to celebrate with me. I’m 37 years of age guys. Wow! Thirty seven years with remarkable academic and financial successes, yet devoid of fulfillment. All eyes were on me yesterday with the ‘click-click’ sounds of champagne glasses  but no lens could see through me trying to hold my pieces together, not even my closest friends. Here I am reflecting on my years. I realize I’ve lived my whole life subjugating my true essence - my feminism. I was furious about the patriarchal system, eager to earn my mark and upset the status quo, I lost my womanhood along the line. I forgot to be compassionate, soft and forgiving. I had been so stiff and rigid with every man who tried to build something with me and I would argue my way out all the time, each time believing I’m smart but he’s stupid. I’m the boss lady, never, ever to be controlled but I didn’t understand that to be reasonable and yielding isn’t the same as being enslaved and dominated. Warmth, empathy, and humility are core traits of womanhood and these are features that every lady no matter how ‘boss lady’ she can be should cultivate and never part away with. The feeling of ‘independent woman’ is great but even if half the world is at your fingertips, the core essence of ladyship would ask questions later and you might not be able to find answers.

Nameless writer!