A Date With Nick

Nick is my neighbor that just moved into our estate. He was dark skinned, tall, heavily built with chocolate drooping all over him. I know what you are thinking, far from it! I am not in any way losing myself over him. This is just a description. Cheese! You don’t expect a fine girl like me to lose my ‘steeze’ over man. But the man is handsome, let me be truthful, even if it’s just for today. I’m pretty sure girls reading this would understand sometimes there is a guy that just moves to sweep you off your feet and you have to ensure your legs are firm on the ground lest the ground becomes slippery. For the guys reading this, yes, yes, we feel the ambience of some of you, only that our noses need to be held up high and not lose our woman thing - man do the chasing and we are the chased specimen. Not even Nick will torpedo that dynamic in the ecosystem.

I faced my business as usual, channeling my energy on fashion designing. In this estate, people mind their businesses. As fate would have it, Nick noticed me, and I discovered him greeting me more than usual. As a decent girl I am, courtesy and respect are on my menu. I can dish them out to those deserving. As for those whose middle name is “madness” I can dish other sour meals on my menu to them as well. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way spiteful or vengeance loving but what you give is what you get. Often times in life, defining your territory and setting your limits of ‘bull-seet’ permeability saves you from many actual bullshit. It is a good thing Nick is not from the nuance guys who like to lord themselves over ladies or should I say we will find out.

My closeness with him had graduated from just pleasantries to online messages and now phone calls becoming frequent at night. To be sincere with you, I am not from the spoiler girls that fall for anything handsome or affluent. Come on! I have tastes, I have levels. First off, you must be well dressed; fashion sense that kills. I did mention that’s my line of occupation, didn’t I?. Secondly, you MUST smell nice. Wondering why the auxiliary verb is all caps? The emphasis can not be overemphasized. Nothing pisses me off more than a grown man that oozes thick air mixed with decayed egg from his body. Lord have mercy, how many times a guy walks up to woo me only for me to fight the urge to say to him: guy, you stink bro! Only if women were brutally honest. Thirdly, you must have bars. By bars I mean pick up lines that will take me to the moon. You have to be romantic. These days guys just want to climb without a ladder, sweat without lifting weight, and shoot milky fluid with that gun dangling down there. Come to think it, some of us wants that gun, sometimes badly, but, at least do some teasing and clearing the weed. Lastly, you have to be financially buoyant. I’m not sure if this requirement supersedes the rest or not but I’m dead sure my man should have enough to take care of me. The broke guys should not come for my head now, I’m just being real. No tush lady wants to be in a dwelling place without the dough and when many of you broke-ass niggas find one, you still turn out unfaithful nine times outta ten. No blame on the new genres of ladies out there who won’t settle for less. Nonetheless, for those who are destined for less, please bear your cross with strong conviction because there is a woman for every man; rich or struggling.

Nick would from time to time check up on me and many times I caught him staring. My Saturday routine became one of the gym at the behest of Mr Handsome. It’s like my stars  are finally aligning when he invited me to a date in his apartment. He wants a quiet and private evening with me, so he said. And when he bursted the already ballooned head of mine was when he said in his thick, caressing, attractive voice that he will do the cooking. According to him, his jollof rice would put the feud between Ghana and Nigeria to rest for good. As a ‘steeze’ babe, I put up a show before accepting his proposed date even though I was already dead on the inside. I can’t wait to share an eventful evening with a guy as charming as Nick.

On D-day, I was dressed in my red, glamouring gown. One of the best in my closet. I have to do well not to present myself as thirsty but a girl with class. I waited for his text message as he has informed me of that as the signal. I moved over to his apartment, knocked gently on the door and anticipated his response. He won’t stop with the praise on how I looked, how my shape would make Cardi B jealous or even Jay Z contemplate divorcing Beyonce. He was gentle with his touch as he led me in and he choose his words carefully, always striking the right cord in my heart. We had a nice dinner and the food was better than I imagined. So this guy can cook so well, and you say make I no die here? It’s “Netflix and chill” time and those of us with experience already know things beyond the movie tends to happen. I was folded in him as we saw this tender two hour classic over cups of wine. At the end, I felt more of his hand over me or my sensory cells are just more active? I felt a gentle nudge on my “front-two” coming from below till the entire surface is submerged in fleshy palms. At that point, the neurons in my body were shooting more acetylcholine than expected. I turned towards him and the thoughts of lips catching filled my head. In no time, my lips were struggling to breathe as his would give them no space to roam freely. With my eyes closed, my tongued joined the exercise of locking and flapping. It was a battle between mandibles and there is no victor or vanquished. As the battle continues, his hands refused to be a bystander and rather they move swiftly down the terrain and my underwear screams in joy to the visitor seeking entrance. We were over each other right on the floor and the real action is about to begin. All I could hear were loud cries of his and my whole body was lost. In 47 seconds, he was done, sweating and panting. I laid there, staring at the moving fan blades, and my head spinning in tandem with that motion, trying to wrap my head around the encounter. Aaargggg… Aaargggg… Baba was already snoring beside me. I lifted the cover on his privates and Chineke!!!! It was a Nick absent the stick. When God was sharing endowments for men, Nick was definitely on sleeping pills.

   #Lola writes#